Are you really being heard?

20 September 2018

Dr. Vesna Grubacevic

Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author of the Amazon best-selling book, ‘Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence'.

Do you get annoyed or frustrated when colleagues and clients do not hear what you are saying or do not take your advice? Here are some tips how to make sure your voice is heard.

Listening versus hearing

People can listen to you, yet not hear you. They may be listening to what you say, however, they will only really hear you if you relate to them in a way that they need the information to be communicated to them.

If you want to be heard, it’s important for you to take responsibility for how you communicate your message to your prospects, clients, team members, suppliers and referral partners. If you only use your natural style in communicating with them, and it is frustrating you because it is not working, that is a sign that you need to adapt your style to suit other people, so that your message gets through, and they really hear you.

Hear me out

Just the way you probably dislike it when other people cut you off when you speak, and do not fully hear what you have to say, your clients and colleagues also dislike it. Make sure that if you want to be heard fully, you really listen to what others say, so they can return the courtesy to you.

When you and other people listen, they have a preference for how they listen. This preference will be either direct or indirect. This preference can be changed and we can also learn to adapt to the preferences of those around us.

The direct listener

The direct listener will exhibit the following traits:

  • Responds best to a direct request. For example, ‘Can you write this report for me today?’
  • Will respond less to hints and implications (e.g. I wonder what the solution to this is?) than to direct requests
  • May interpret hints and vague statements as ‘nice to know’ information, rather than a call to action

If you would like the direct listener to really hear you and respond to your request, be direct and to the point with your requests, and avoid being vague or abstract when seeking a response from them. Because a direct listener may not hear your compliments or positive feedback if it’s ‘hidden’ in a vague statement, make sure you are direct and obvious with any compliments or positive feedback you give to them.

The indirect listener

Meanwhile, the indirect listener will demonstrate the following:

  • Reads into what people say
  • Thinks that any statement is a request for action
  • Offers solutions and help even when you are simply venting about a problem, rather than seeking a solution

Their natural tendency is to take on the burden of solving the problems you share with them. As a result, they may get frustrated if you then do not act on their suggested solution. If you would like the indirect listener to really hear you and appreciate your situation, let them know when you are simply talking about or sharing a problem, and when you are actually seeking help with the problem.

In the absence of this clarity from you, the indirect listener will automatically launch into helping you, even if that is not what you seek. This is why you may have a disagreement with other people when you share a problem with them and they automatically offer you a solution. All you really want is someone to listen, really hear you and be empathetic.

Be mindful of the difference in listening style you, your prospects, clients, team members, suppliers and referral partners have, and adapt your style to suit their preference. Notice how much more easily and effectively you will then get your message through, and feel that you are being heard.

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