Though my research, I've discovered over 35 different ways that we sabotage our confidence and success in our work and personal life. The good news is that we can learn to stop the sabotage. Here are my five top tips to help you.

Sabotage occurs any time we want to achieve something, but our actions, or lack of action, prevent us from being, doing or having what we want in life. This in turn has us sabotage our confidence, which further compromises our success.

Do you have a pattern of:

• attracting the same types of relationships that you don’t want;
• beating up on yourself or putting yourself down;
• missing out on promotions or not progressing in your career;
• not attracting enough customers or making enough money in business;
• lacking clarity, passion or direction, personally or professionally?

From working with thousands of clients since 2000, and through my research, I have discovered that there are over 35 different ways that we can sabotage our confidence and success. The good news is that we can learn to stop the sabotage. Here’s how:

1. Stop being a worrier

Because your thoughts can become self-fulfilling, if you continue to focus on what you don’t want, you will keep attracting it. By visualising exactly what you want each day, you can program your mind to attract more positive people, situations and opportunities into your life. Like attracts like. If you want to attract more positive people into your life, ensure that you are positive first!

2. Address your self-doubts and limiting beliefs

If you believe that you cannot have or do not deserve to have what you really want, these beliefs will sabotage your success. Similarly, if you lack belief in yourself and your ability to do well, this will impact on your confidence and your actions. This is because our beliefs are reflected in our behaviours.

For example, if you have a fear of rejection, you may find yourself doing or saying things on the phone or in a meeting which has the other person respond with a ‘no’, and so they reject you anyway. The fear creates a self-fulfilling prophesy. Once you resolve these beliefs, you will change your behaviour and achieve greater success.

3. Resolve internal conflicts

Some of us even have internal conflicts which pull us in different directions. For example, whether to pursue our passion and start a business or remain working for an employer, or whether to be in a relationship or stay single and independent. Once we resolve these, we become totally aligned with having what we want. As a result, we are more decisive, we stop wasting time and are more purposeful in our action. This in turn builds our confidence and success.

4. Have clear priorities

Without priorities, you can be overwhelmed, as everything takes on the same importance or urgency. By being clear about your values and what is important to you, this will help to align and prioritise your actions for maximum results.

Think about and make a note of what is really important to you in your life right now. Then as you look at the list of priorities, ask yourself whether you are currently taking action towards those priorities. If not, you may need to adjust your action to reflect your priorities. Remember, we take action on the things that are most important to us.

5. Define your direction

Without clarity there can be confusion and lots of purposeless action. Not knowing what you really want in your life, career and relationships leads to scattered thinking, which results in scattered action and scattered success.

Instead, create a clear vision for your life (and where you want to be in five years, 10 years, etc) and then set specific short-term and long-term goals to help you get there. Remember to dream big because regardless of whether you focus on a small goal or a big one, you will get it! This will guide your actions towards creating what you really want, and will drive and motivate you in life, especially during challenging times.

Imagine how much more confidence and success you could have once you stop sabotaging yourself!